Kameraad Mhambi

I arrived in South Africa yesterday, tired. Flying over Dubai is cheap but not worth it.

But I’m happy to be home.

The arrivals hall at Joburg International is dressed up in a garish MTN yellow. Welcome to World Cup Country. The new arrivals hall is gigantic. Shiny, plush.

But the highways of Gauteng are in turmoil. The R21, N3, N1, all of them are undergoing roadworks. A race against time. They need to be finished by June. I was listening to RSG – the National Afrikaans radio station, an ad pimping the world cup pops up every few minutes, it’s in Afrikaans and ends in an English jingle. A high gloss “Freedom – it is here” in a “Coke is life” kind of way, but not as authentic.

But you can’t but notice that South Africans are not that free. As we pulled up the fake Tuscan security villa where my dad now lives he said, welcome to our prison. He is right. Guards at the gates, a very high wall. We are safe.

This time round I’d like to record the news that I can’t get when I’m overseas. I want to hear what the people on the ground is saying. I mean from my vantage point in England it seems that the country is falling apart. Perhaps I’m very wrong.

First anecdote. My dad tells me that in Ermelo, the town where my mother and grandmother went to school some Nigerians have moved in and that they are responsible for sex trafficking. I queried him whether there’s been any reports of human alien inter species sex. He looked puzzled. Anyway I thought I’d Google it tonight and it’s true! Sorry dad.

Otherwise my dad seems as fit as one can be at 75. But he is a little worried. My little bro, whose getting married tomorrow, he and his wife has applied for a mortgage. They have been waiting to hear back from ABSA for two months now. News just back apparently is that they can’t get a mortgage. The reason? His wife to be does not have a landline telephone number at her place of work.

She has a good excuse mind you. The school where she teaches close by Broederstroom, is a plaasskool. And the school’s phone lines have been stolen. The schools only phones are mobile phones. I kid you not. And ABSA won’t have that. No land line no mortgage.

Yes my dad said, this kind of theft is quite common. When they were driving to the Natal South Coast in December they stayed over is the famous triangle houses in the Drakensberg. But the hotels phones were down, because the phone lines had been stolen.

OK, here is some news that’s not from the people.

Last night I watched ETV’s news, ANC youth league leader Julius Malema is speaking to SARS about a possible lifestyle audit and him settling matters with Mr Taxman in private. As long as he pays his dues I suppose.

And this morning ETV featured a clip the Afriforum march where they tried to hand a list of farmers that have been murdered to the ANC. The context of course is the singing by Julius Malema of the ‘Kill the Boer’ song. Steve Hofmeyr, the Afrikaans crooner lothario (think Che Guevarra with a guitar), was also there, wearing a very cool t-shirt. There was also some footage of ANC youth league members stamping on said list of murdered farmers, while Afriforum members were crawling on the floor trying to salvage as much as they could of said list.

Nice shirt Steve, where did you buy it? It’s a black t-shirt with a big red star, and in the middle of the star, a big black African continent. Steve is cool. Much cooler than that suurgat Breyten Breytenbach, even if he does not have Breyten’s way with words. I just don’t get why Die Antwoord does not like him.

When I saw Steve there in front of the ANC offices I was reminded of the excellent interview Perly Joubert did with him. Steve said:

“I’m not a rightwinger. I’m not a Vierkleur type who believes that the boere must own the country again. But I do have political ambitions because I’m politically homeless. The right is disappointing because they’re so stupid and the left is so dogmatic and judgmental.

“My job here is not only to sing. I’m very involved and participating in what happens in our country because I love this bloody fucked-up place. I love all the people who live here. This mess is my home, but we have to sort it out and the boere must be part of the solution.”

I wish Steve and Zachie Achmat would team up and form a political movement. I mean all my other South African hero’s have been such disappointments. Absent, chasing money, just silent. Cyril Ramaphosa, Van Zyl Slabbert, Breyten Breytenbach wtf? Only Steve and Zachie never disappoints.

OK, so Breyten has been making noises of late. But your a bit late Breyten, and a little out of touch. And you are a pain in the arse.

So today I’m with my sister in Pretoria. Another anecdote. The neighbours next door have been robbed at gunpoint in their house. My sister and her husband have been trying to persuade them to build a fence around their property for years. But the victim couple next door, whose getting on in years, did not want to. They said they had been living like that, fence-less, for 30 years. They have been fine all this time. Not this year though.

Anyway when I was listening to RSG on the radio today they also reported that Andre Lambrecht, the senior state prosecutor in the West Rand have apparently been demoted for refusing an order from Menzi Simelane, head of the National Prosecuting Authority (NPA). Why? The top prosecutor was told not to oppose bail in the case of hip hop artist ‘Jub Jub’

Just to recap for those of you who have not been paying attention to South African news. Jub Jub went drag racing in Soweto and managed to hit 6 school children with his Mini, four of whom died.

To thicken the plot, South African style, one day before Jub Jub’s bail application was set to begin, he received a visit in detention from none other than Julius Malema, yes the president of the ANC Youth League.

News24 reports that Lambrecht “has been chief State prosecutor of the West Rand for the past ten years. The prosecutors of Krugersdorp, Soweto, Randfontein and Roodepoort, among others, fall under him.”

They also reported:

“The orders were that he should not contest bail for the musician Jub Jub.

André (Lampies) Lambrecht, 60, chief State prosecutor of the West Rand, was given the order three times.

Gladstone Maema, acting director of public prosecution (DPP) in Gauteng, phoned Lambrecht twice to say Simelane had given the order. Maema repeated the order to Lambrecht for the third time in person.

Lambrecht refused to execute the order unless he received it in writing, which he did not receive.”

Now Lambrecht has now been told that he is relieved from his managerial duties and that he has to work as an ordinary prosecutor. While I was driving Maema (not to be confused with Malema) was on the Radio defending his decision to demote Lambrecht. Apparently Lambrecht had been ‘redeployed’ in accordance with a new policy of using the most experienced prosecutors in the ordinary courts.

Lastly, an yes, not a personal anecdote, I saw on Twitter today that its now illegal to sing kill the Boer or rather ‘dubula ibhunu’ in South Africa, after a high court decision. But apparently the ANC will take the case to the Constitutional Court, because… its not entirely clear, but apparently because it is part of ANC history.

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